


How to Not Get Your Ass Kicked by the Legends

by Hiver_Frost_Elf



Series: Fauna Saga [4]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dancing, Dimension Travel, Episode: s03e14 Attack on Central City, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Gen, Not Canon Compliant, Party, Partying, Revenge, Stop Bullying HR Foundation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10410684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiver_Frost_Elf/pseuds/Hiver_Frost_Elf
Summary: use common sensebe politeshut the fuck updon’t tick off HFE, cuz if HFE’s mad at you,you’re dead meatThis has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Stop Bullying HR Foundation.  Bullying HR is an addiction, but you and your loved ones can get help.  The sooner you do it, the less your ass will get kicked.  Here is an anonymous testimony to inspire you....I only meant to tease him once, but once turned into twice, then thrice, and then I was bullying HR every paragraph.  I was so far down the rabbit hole, I thought I’d never see the light of day again....  But then I got my ass kicked, and I’ve never been happier!  Now HR’s just as important and cherished as the rest of my characters.  My fics are a better place, and I have SBHRF to thank for that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Chris Rock's How to Not Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police.
> 
> This fic's not gonna make much sense unless you read (at the bare minimum) K9 chapter 6. However, in order for THAT to make sense, you'll have to read the rest of K9, and by then you might as well read chapter 7 since that'll finish the story.

A chorus of “Hey, Hermey’s back!” accompanied by Wally’s “White Friend!” chimed throughout the cortex.  The Rogues zoomed in on their leaders; they’d volunteered to help Team Flash defend Central against Grodd’s “army”—and by “army”, Grodd meant “squad”, but whatever; gorillas are bad news no matter how many show up through a portal from a city of badasses.  Team Arrow came to help out as well, but Gypsy and Cisco brought Solivar, who restored order in a snap... of Grodd’s bones.

Wally gave Hermey the lowdown with a mischievous grin after introducing Jesse, “HR’s been super depressed lately, so when ya see ‘im, give ‘im the biggest hug ever in the history of hugs!”

Wally shushed Jesse because Harry reappeared just as Wally planned.  Hermey charged into a hug, “HR! I’m back, and I brought a surprise for you!”

Harry pushed her off, “I’m not that moron, I’m the real Doctor Wells—screw that, I’m Doctor Wells; that hack was lucky to earn his preschool diploma.”

Hermey stared at him speechlessly until HR shuffled in with a hand clutching something in his pocket.  He brightened immediately on sight of his buddy, “HE! I missed you much!”

“I missed you, too!” Hermey stopped hugging him to tug him into the hall. “C’mon, I gotta surprise for you!”

“It better not be future tech since he can barely operate technology from this century,” Harry scoffed.

All eyes fell on Harry after that.  Dusto snarled at him.  Wally nudged Jesse’s elbow.  Hermey scrutinized Harry and HR.  Finally, she told the Legends, “HR looks at Harry like I used to look at my moms!”

Sara cracked her knuckles.  HR nervously assured Hermey, “Harry’s not like them, HE.”

Hermey looked up at HR straight in the eye and said, “....I used to say my moms weren’t like Lewis.”

Cue the Rogues busting out their weaponry.  Harry feared nothing until Jesse pointed at him, “HE GOT WEEEEEED!!!”

“Jesse!” Harry squawked at this absurdity.

“You told my boyfriend you were dying so I’d stay with you, you psycho!”

“Oh, you just earned yourself an all-expenses paid trip to a STAR Labs cot,” Sara manhandled him into the time vault.  Lisa, Laurel, Mick, and Dusto followed her in.

Hermey hugged HR again, “You may not be the smartest version of Harrison Wells, but you’re the nicest version of Harrison Wells; and that makes you a better version of Harrison Wells than Fake Wells #2 could ever hope to be.”

Tears pooled in HR’s eyes.  He wiped them away, sniffled, and handed HE a lovingly handcrafted Friends Day card.  Hermey’s sneakers thudded against the floor in excitement, “Friends Day is today? Omigosh!” she tugged him towards the speed lab. “C’monc’monc’monc’monc’mon!!!”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Gypsy groaned as a new bounty chirped onto her phone.  She ported back to Earth 19 cuz she knew better than to mess with

“Randolf!” HR couldn’t possibly be happier than this.

Randolf Morgan kissed his friend’s forehead and embraced him, having used magic to keep an eye on him this whole time.  He would’ve joined in on Sara’s crash course in How to Not Get Your Ass Kicked by the Legends; but right now, his buddy needed hugs, not revenge.

Besides, he could always claim vengeance later.  Immortals excelled at patience.

“Whaddya wanna do now?” Barry shrugged once they all—minus Harry—reassembled in the cortex.

Clearly, there was only one answer to that question.  Thus began the first Rogue Flarrow Legends Dance Party!

[ _We don’t even have to try, it’s always a good time!_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7HmzwI67ec)

[ _When can I see you again?_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM1YMeDsc-M)

[ _You ain’t never had a friend like me!_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99Op1TaXmCw)

[ _I’m gonna stand by you._ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwB9EMpW8eY)

[ _People like us, we've gotta stick together!_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWbMz_aBlMU)

[ _Glad to do a friend a favor._ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7k6uqhKEAOM)

[ _The cold never bothered me anyway._ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWHwSWkBjnY)

[ _There’s a fire burning in my bones!_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc)

[ _And if I had one wish come true,_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV00oc23M3w)

[ _shut up and dance with me._ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JCLY0Rlx6Q)

Harry practically choked on his apologies when Wally and Jesse and HR visited him in the medical wing later that evening.

The End!!!

**Author's Note:**

> The Stop Bullying HR Foundation also sponsored chapters 4 & 5 of Time and Time Again.
> 
> Hermey confusing Harry with HR isn't the product of her not knowing HR well. She knows HR exceptionally well, she's never met Harry; just in case that wasn't clear.
> 
> Thanks for taking time to read this :3 enjoy what you do here and everywhere!


End file.
